My Muffin Top - A Journey of Self Acceptance

14 weeks post pardon

My Muffin Top - A Journey of Self Acceptance


Here is a photo of my postpartum body (14 weeks). Lucky for you I am not brave enough to share a more revealing photo ;)  Ha! I do want to be vulnerable about this topic. I love helping women learn to love and appreciate their bodies, it is my passion for very personal reasons. So exposing myself in this way is touchy for me. 

I have spent a lot of time internally exhausting myself over where I thought I would (should) be physically after having my wonderful son. After verbalizing my internal physical expectations out loud, I realized how irrational my thoughts are. Why did I think I should be back in pre-pregnancy clothes almost right away? Why do I think there is something "wrong" with me because I'm not? Why do I feel so ashamed of a body that has carried, bravely given birth, and nourished 2 beautiful babies?

I have obsessed over eating, exercising, and what clothes I can find that will cover me up and make me feel "better". Thinking that if I did all of these things exactly right, I would find relief. 

The problem is, I have barely (if ever) loved or appreciated my body. Not even at my most "fit" or smallest weight. The even bigger problem is I have rarely accepted myself as I am.  There is something terribly wrong and unhealthy with my expectations. I can't help to think there is a connection between loving and accepting myself fully and finding a peace with who I am at the core. Sure, I can hide my insecurities better when I am not sleep deprived, larger than "normal", and experiencing crazy hormones, but they are still there...lingering and accusing.

There is something I feel the need to clarify. Some of you may be thinking, "Poor little Krystle, she is bigger than she was, I really feel sorry for her, boo-boo (loads of sarcasm)." What I want to get across is that I don't think that size is the real issue, anyone can carry self hatred and have a distorted view of themselves.

So ladies, it is time to get real and let it ALL hang out!!! I realize it is my job to un-do the years of slander I allowed myself to endure. I am taking steps everyday to change my internal thought life and dialog. Being intentional to slow down and capture my thoughts. WOW, has it been eye opening. So now, when I say to myself "If I would just work out harder and eat less, I wouldn't hate to look in the mirror so much." I try to combat it with "It's good to move my body and eat nourishing food. My body has been so good to me, so I will be gentle and respectful to my body." At first the amount of negative thoughts crowd out the good. Now, I have good days and bad days, but the good days are growing! Here is what I try to practice:

• Capture my negative thought(s) 
• Replace with a positive thought
  
• Being thankful for my body, mind, and spirit (all the things that make up who I am)
• Not looking to main stream media as my physical guide (this is a biggie for me)

On that note, I wanted to share a video with you that really touched me. It is called "A Beautiful Body" Book Project by Jade Beall. She is representing 90% of women that are not portrayed in main stream media. So wait, WE are the norm?! Why have I been fed all my life that I was abnormal? 

In her first volume, she photographs all mothers. Please watch and soak it up for our sisters, mothers, daughters, freinds and yourself.

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I hope you take this journey of self acceptance with me. It takes a lot of effort to change a cultural norm in our hearts and minds, but I believe we can. Someday, this may be viewed as the norm. What a beautiful day that will be...

Love,
Krystle

P.S. What are you going to practice to keep your thoughts about yourself positive and loving? Please share! XOXO

P.S.S. A special thank you to my friend Amanda for sharing this video with me and to all of my dear friends that have been so encouraging in my process. You know who you are ;)